Governor's Domestic Violence Fatality Review Board
Topeka, KS
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Mr. Robert T. Stephan seems surprised in this review that some of the Survivors of Domestic Violence that have written in are people that he's known for years. People that he didn't have a clue was touched personally by Domestic Violence. He called it the "Silent Blight on our society" that "must not be allowed to continue unnoticed".
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Unfortunately, survivors of domestic violence will not come out and state that they are survivors, even to someone that works in the DV feild. There is an amount of shame, guilt, and uncertainty that is associated with telling anyone that you are a survivor. This is something that needs to be worked on. Survivors of abuse should NOT feel shame, the shame belongs to the abusers! I feel that until survivors come out of hiding, share and take action, that the fight against domestic violence is going to be in vain. Survivors know by experience what abuse is all about, what they needed, and what would have helped them during their situation. This experience is what is needed. And until citizens take an active roll in reporting DV incidences and help report abuse, the problems will continue. It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes society as a whole to change conceptions and help end Domestic Violence.
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The 2004 Kansas Bureau of Investigation (KBI) yearly Domestic Violence report showed that 121 DV related fatalities occured in Kansas from 1999 to 2004. Of the 121 fatalities, 82 were females, and 39 were males. These victims ranged in age from 18-90 years.
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In the Boards review of the 2003, six cases involved 9 DV related deaths. In four of those 6 cases, family and friends knew of the violence or threats to kill.
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This concerns me. So much money is spent on public service messages, so much time is spent on insuring that the abuser gets arrested and helped. That so much of the focus is on making sure that programs are in affect for the abuser, that the Victim and the way society perseves DV, has lagged behind. This I feel is a major lack in the fight against DV.
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Within those 6 cases, 4 fatalities occured when the victim attempted to leave their partner.
This is the most dangerous time for a victim. To gather important items, such as money, birth certificates, credit cards, bank account information, an extra set of keys, and clothes; without the knowledge of the abuser, or acting different towards the abuser. This is an almost impossible task. For an abuser to realize that his victim, his control, is about to run out that door, fully enrages them. So many victims have left with nothing for themselves or their children because they couldn't do so in a safe manor.
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My cousin was murdered by her husband, whom she was seperated with, when he found out she was moving with their son out of state back to her parents. I would go into detail to explain just how dangerous this time period is, but the case is ongoing. Unfortunately, there was not enough evidence to close this case. Now, her murderer is on the run and can't be found by the local police, sherrif's office (whom he was in training with at the time of the incidence, and was fired because of his involvement with this case), or the FBI. I'm happy to report though that her son, my nephew, is leading a very happy and productive life with his grandparents.
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The Domestic Violence Fatality Review Board has two principal goals:
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1. inform the public about the insidious nature of domestic violence in order to get citizens involved in finding solutions, and
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2. identify systematic changes in all agencies that work with domestic violence that might reduce the number of fatalities and improve the delivery of services.
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All I can say to this is that DV has to be out in the public eye more then just in October! All throughout the rest of the year, you don't hear much about DV. Not many marches like cancer or many other killers have. No DV Awareness material or clothing in Walmart and other leading stores. There isn't enough within the publics sight to have them think much about DV. When someone's daughter is being affected by dv, or they themselves, they never know where to turn. Why? Because there isn't enough being said in the public arena! But I'm sure that they know where to get the latest style on sale!
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There are a few things I can say about this next subject about agencies that work with DV. First off, when there is a victim of DV, whether they go to the hospital or not, and the abuser is incarcerated, that victim needs IMMEDIATE support! Not a list from an officer of people to contact, but a concerned Advocate that can help guide the victim through what needs to be done, what to expect, who can also go with the victim to the hearing and can stand for the victim there. Too many women take back their abusers!
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I talked to an officer in the small town I used to live in, and he told me the one thing that really got him and he didn't understand is why women stay or go back. This really confused him, as it does most. There are so many reasons why women stay!!! Here is a link that will go through many of them: Why Do We Stay?? In short, many women feel that they cannot live without the abuser because of being scared to, unsure if they can raise the children by themselves, financial reasons, afraid the abuser may gain custody of the children while they are in the shelter (unfortunately, this has happened, because the abuser NEVER abused the children. Yet, aren't they being abused by what they've witnessed. This is yet another topic to delve into in the future.). They rationalize within themselves that it really isn't that bad, mostly when the honey moon period gets on a roll. Until the next time......... If the abuser was mandated to get help, if the victim was mandated (because many will feel they don't need the help until another tragedy, or feel too ashamed to accept or get help) to get help and support, the cycle wouldn't continue as long.
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During the process of courts, there is no help for the victim. During the process of probation and anger management (now there is another subject all together), the victim receives no help. This is when the victim needs the help the most!!! This is when the victim and the children need to be supported and followed up with the most!!! The abuser gets free counceling, why not the Victims?? Unfortunately, it hasn't been set up this way. I applaud any states that have this set up, for you would be more advanced then most.
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All in all, this report was to show the devestation that DV can cause, and this doesn't even encompass how many victims were badly beaten, needed surgery or emergency housing. This encompasses those that didn't make it, in one state. The horrors of DV continues....
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To read this article, please go to the below link, then please let us know your feelings on this issue.......
By Robert T. Stephen, Chair of Governor Kathleen Sebelius' Domestic Violence Fatality Review Board- Violence in any for is adverse to the concept of what a civilized world should be. The reality is the flow of the violence has been with us since the beginning of time, but it should also be a reality that good people will work to provide a solution.......................
tb
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